Put Away the Measuring Tape:

The Weight of Never Feeling Enough

I often measure myself. Have I done enough? Do I need to do more for God? I remember serving in a church and feeling a calling to become a Pastor. I asked the Pastor what I needed to do. He said one sentence: You need to do more.

That broke me. I attended meetings nearly five nights a week and served on Sundays. I was a worship leader, singer, youth ministry worker, deacon, and small group leader. I also had a family. I became very bitter and angry toward the Pastor. I didn’t pray or seek God for guidance. I didn’t give it over to Him. I carried the weight myself and forgot what it says in 1 Peter 5:7.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." (1 Peter 5:7)

When Bitterness Takes Root

I allowed the bitterness to eat me alive. It became poisonous (Hebrews 12:15). As that happened, my relationships broke down. I became angry and resentful. This gave the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-27). The anger did not produce anything righteous (James 1:20). I allowed those feelings to rule my life. Unfortunately, I thought leaving that church was the right thing to do. I ended up on a path that leads to death (Proverbs 14:12). I started to spiral and make wrong decisions, which were life-changing in the worst way.

I constantly measured myself after being there for 40 years and serving for 30. Am I doing enough? The pastor's words only fed that internal struggle. I robbed myself of the joy of the Lord (Nehemiah 8:10) and His peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

Wrestling with Unworthiness

I also wrestled with feeling unworthy before God. At that time, I had no self-worth. I only saw value in doing things, and when the Pastor said I want you to do more, it fed those thought patterns.

I had forgotten what Micah says:

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8)

I lost sight of the gift of His saving grace (Ephesians 2:8). I was striving for worth in what I did instead of resting in who I was. But God never asked me to prove myself. Isaiah says that I am precious in God's sight and that He is honoured because of me (Isaiah 43:4).

Biblical Figures Who Also Struggled

But I’m not the only one who’s felt that way. Throughout Scripture, some of God’s greatest servants battled the same thoughts. They wrestled with inadequacy, hopelessness, and deep internal struggle.

"But Moses protested to God, ‘Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?’" (Exodus 3:11)

"But I am a worm and not a man. I am scorned and despised by all." (Psalm 22:6)

"I am ignored as if I were dead, as if I were a broken pot." (Psalm 31:12)

"Then he went on alone into the wilderness, travelling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. ‘Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.’" (1 Kings 19:4)

"Let the day of my birth be erased, and the night I was conceived." (Job 3:3)

"He was blameless, a man of complete integrity. He feared God and stayed away from evil." (Job 1:1)

What God Measures

If they felt this way, what hope do I have? But here’s the truth. Our calling is not to measure ourselves. God doesn’t see things the way I see them. People may judge by outward appearance. God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

Our measure is to love Jesus and to measure ourselves alongside Him. This will continue until we all unite in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son, that we will mature in the Lord, measuring up to the complete standard of Christ (Ephesians 4:13).

The One Question That Matters

I don’t need to keep asking if I’m doing enough. I should ask what Jesus asked Peter: Simon, son of John, do you love me? (John 21:16)

That’s the question that realigns everything in me. You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). It is the only question I want to answer. I want to give myself what matters most. If I pick up the measuring tape again, I should return to that question: Do I love Jesus and who I am serving?

Questions for reflection.

When was the last time I asked myself, "Do I love Jesus?" not just in words but with my whole heart, soul, and mind?

Have I been measuring my worth by what I do for God instead of who I am in Christ?

In what areas of my life am I still carrying the weight instead of surrendering it to God?

How do I respond when I feel unseen, unappreciated, or told I need to do more? Do I turn toward Jesus or away?

What would change in my daily walk if I deeply believed that God's love for me is not based on performance, but on relationship?